is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
