So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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