dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
