Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
