yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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