I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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