I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
