You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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