Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
