Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
