You're earring is so big in my mouth
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
