Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
