I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
