I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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