When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
