Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
