I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
