I cockslap morals
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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