with your own penis?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
