just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
