Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
sex in a hospital.. check
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
