i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
