isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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