I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
