she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
