Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
