3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
