Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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