The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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