I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
