We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
