I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
