My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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