apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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