And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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