So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
