I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
