my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
