I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
