they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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