Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She told me I should be a condom model.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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