I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
