Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
