he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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