Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
