it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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