i would punch a child for taco bell
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
