Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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