I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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