Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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